observation of the day.

Since the summer started my kids have been playing board games like it's nobody's business. The have been spending hours playing games.
Trouble, Chutes and Ladders, Uno, anything they can get their hands on.

I'm not sure that there is a favorite among the pile of games. It's just whatever they feel like playing.

The other day Paul and I overheard Stephen telling his brothers that he didn't want to play any game because he always loses. Paul and I laughed at the thought and both agreed that this was a wimps way out. Harsh? Nah, it's reality. Only a wimp wouldn't play a game because he's afraid to lose.

Now before you go judging me I didn't actually say this to Stephen, but I would say it if we were in the same room if the conversation goes that way. They need to learn to taking losing as well as winning.

Story Part II
Every other Saturday my kids participate in something called The Lehigh Valley Road Runners. It's a free running program for kids. It's geared at getting kids excited about running and encouraging exercise in a world that doesn't encourage it enough. They break the kids into age groups starting at 3 all the way up to 12 and have them running races.
The last race was the first time that David and Joshua moved up from the 3-4 yr division to the 5-6. In the beginning of the summer David was running strong and coming in the top of the pack. This last race he didn't not do as well. Someone who doesn't know our kids would have no idea what happened. But Paul and I saw it and knew right away why David under performed.
See Stephen is in the 5-6 division as well, and Stephen is not a strong runner. He did cross-country last year and the poor kid try as hard as he did and always came in last. But the thing is he aways did it with a smile. David is fast. When playing outside he often outruns his brothers. I think David somehow got all of the athletic ability in the house. In this last race David was running with Stephen, he was staying one step behind Stephen the whole time. David let his big brother come in ahead of him.

Back to today's observation.
The boys were playing downstairs, and David convinced Stephen to play a game with him. Stephen won. David asked if they could play another game. Stephen declined. David then said, but maybe you could win that game too. Stephen still said no.

What this tells me?
David cares more about playing with Stephen than he does about winning. David is fully aware of how Stephen feels when he doesn't win, and David does what he can to spare his feelings. Sometimes ;)
David let Stephen win this mornings game. This is so that David can keep playing the games he wants to play with Stephen. This fascinates me. The boys are five years old. And they are already fully aware of how to manipulate each other to do what they want.

Before you go gushy.
Just so you know, that while this gesture of David letting Stephen win to spare his feelings is really sweet, David can also be quite the stinker. Like I said, David is willing to give up winning in order to keep playing. He wants to play these games, and he'll do what it takes to play. Yes, he does care about his brothers (and sister), and he does care if they are happy or not. But his motives are always pure. After all this is the boy that is known for hiding puzzle pieces when someone is working on a puzzle. ;)

the book I'll never write.

If I wrote a book it would be a parenting book. Which is ironic because I don't read parenting books. If I did read parenting books I would read the ones that are most popular just to see what all the buzz is about. Like the tiger mother book, it sounds like a fascinating story. The controversy around it is just as fascinating. I don't read parenting books because I don't believe in their basic purpose. To tell people how to parent. I don't want someone to tell me what I am doing is wrong. I want to figure it out for myself.
The tiger mother book is a memoir and maybe I'll read it some day. If I would write a book it would be a memoir. Not a how to. But a how I...

Today's lesson is how I fight boredom.

We live in the North East. Look outside and there is about 12 inches of snow on the ground and more coming this week. So far it has snowed about 2-3 inches every few days. Last week we got closer to 6 inches in one day. Now I don't think this is a whole lot but our school district does and they keep closing school over these small storms.

We have had lots of needless snow days which means my kids have been home more than necessary. And after a while the shine of being home wears off. At one point a scheduled three day weekend turned into a five day weekend. The kids were going crazy (as was I). Being on a tight budget and not willing to take them many places I needed to come up with ways to keep them happy on these extended days home.

We have a secret weapon and we call it Play-doh. First of all I hate play-doh. I hate the way it smells. I hate the way it feels. But the kids love it. And they will play it for hours. Years ago we got this huge bin and its loaded with all kinds of tools. We keep it hidden from the kids. They almost never play with it. So when we got to day three of our unplanned five day weekend I broke out the playdoh. And the kids went nuts.

We have one play-doh rule. Keep in the kitchen. It can get mixed. It can fall to the floor. I don't care what they do as long as they keep it in the kitchen. I clear the table and they go to town. They played in harmony for an hour straight. Then one by one they came to me with their smelly little hands declaring they were done. I told them to put lids on the containers wash their hands and go play. At the end of it all I make sure the remaining containers are sealed tightly the tools are put away and I re-hide the box. I sweep up the stuff the fell to the ground. Wipe down the table and it's done.

Play-doh is cheap. I don't care if it gets mixed or if some of it falls to the ground and dries up. All I care about is that it occupied my bored kids for one solid hour. The toys in their playroom can't always do that because they see them every day. Having a secret toy can.

As your children get older your secret toys can get more complicated (if you are brave mom).

1. Pearler beads is one that I love but it is not one you can have around with crawling children. Though a tip to contain the mess is to use cookie sheets as work stations (actually that works for most art projects, I went and bought the cheapest cookie sheets I could and when the kids want to do a project that involves many parts I pull out the sheets as a work station they are portable so I can clear the table for meals and such while letting the project dry or whatever). 
2. Crayola Color Wonder I have used the markers at doctors offices. I have used the paints at home. I don't like the paints. They are a waxy slimy mess but the markers are harmless and the kids find it fun. The pictures don't last forever eventually they fade. This does get expensive because you need the special paper to make it work. 
3. Finger Paint/Water Colors - (no need for a link here). Buy a roll of butcher paper or a giant pack of construction paper and let them have it. 

The list of secret toys can be endless. The point is that it is something that you don't play with regularly. Something that is a treat to have out. New toys are shiny and will hold a child's attention longer than an old toy. Simply hiding a toy and taking it out on a rare occasion makes an old toy feel like a new toy again and again.

The other key to the secret toy is to give your child more freedom than normal. All of the things I listed above require no adult supervision if used in the right setting. When you let your child be free they are happier and they can explore. I'm not saying let them see what happens if they shove play-doh in the toaster, I'm saying don't freak out if they drop it on the floor or if they even put a bit in their mouth (do freak out if they try to eat a whole play-doh sand-which). Give them boundaries but allow them to breathe a bit. Make it feel like they are doing something special.