Thoughts in progress

In my blogging I have about 10 posts that I have started and not completed. I'm starting this one today, and I am going to post it in it's incompleteness (is that a word?).

Today I have this nagging feeling that I am nothing more than ordinary. Isn't that just awful?

That thought made me think of something else... 8 years ago I was winding up my spring semester at DeSales. I was preparing to graduate and at the end of the coming summer I would get married. I got married August 2002 and started working at Cardinal Brennan Jr/Sr HS two weeks after I married. Then by October I found out I was pregnant and the following May my daughter was born. That June we bought our first house.

So in 13 months time I graduated college, got married, moved from Paul's bachelor pad to a new apartment, started working a real job, had a baby, and bought a house. A whirlwind of a year to say the least.

It was either that first year or the second year at CB that one of my fellow teachers was griping about her idealistic daughter, who was at-risk of falling in love and wanting to marry. She went on to explain that she wouldn't deal with her daughter getting married so young and having kids right away. She simply couldn't allow for her daughter to be so foolish. After a while, I dared ask her how old her daughter was it turns out she was 24 (I think). At the time I was 23. So boldly I asked, Does that mean that I am foolish? This teacher stood up from the lunch table looked at me and said, absolutely! And then she left the room.

So was I a fool?

(to be continued, I have to take Son #1 to pre-school)

(several months later)

I will always feel sad for people who judge so harshly. I wasn't a fool. I am not a fool. well.... maybe sometimes. But when it comes to the decisions I have made that have landed me here. I don't regret a single one of them.

I'm going to be 30 next month. For some strange reason this is hitting me really hard. My sister-in-law spoke encouraging words saying how much she has loved the last 5 years of her life and they were so much better than her 20's.

My problem is I rocked it in my 20's I got married and had 4 awesome kids. She's doing all of that now in her 30's. I don't regret not waiting (and I don't guess she regrets waiting).

So that ordinary feeling continues to haunt me. I resist saying "I'm just a mom." But there are days where that's all I feel I am. Like today. I'm feeling it.