the things you learn.

This week was a great challenge for me. I have been suffering from a nasty headache and the Dr. has diagnosed it as a migraine. The thing is I have been hurting for more than a week with little relief.

It's hard to get anything done when your ill. I think the mental strain of being sick is worse than the physical strain. I pride myself on getting certain things done and when I fail to complete the most basic tasks I beat myself up and see it as a great failure.

Time and time again I will tell you that I am not a neat-freak. Heck, I'm not the cleanest person ever. I let dust accumulate. I let messes build. Then when it gets bad enough I attack the mess head-on. I know that I should clean daily, and that I shouldn't let big messes build; but I'm a procrastinator so I let it accumulate. At any rate, I do have a list of daily chores that I don't miss. I keep up with the dishes, and the laundry. I like for my husband to come home to a cleaned kitchen (since that is the first place he goes when he comes in).

This week I have barely kept up with the dishes and the laundry and the messes that I planned to attack this week have only gotten worse. The bathrooms are overdue for a scrub down. The second floor needs a good cleaning in general. And then there's the lingering Christmas leftovers (I don't mean food, I mean stuff). I went to bed on Sunday with the plan to get the kitchen reclaimed, and the fireplace room back in working order.

I went to bed on Sunday with a headache, I was on my second day with it and I was sure a good nights rest would take care of it. Monday morning I did my service at the kids school, I came home and got the boys lunch. My head was hurting, and I did as much housework as I could while suffering (which is to say not too much). After two more days of no relief and very little work getting done I decided to visit my doctor and he said migraines. He sent me home with medication.

The side-effects of the medication have left me incapacitated for hours at a time. My poor little boys have been left to fend for themselves. I manage to get them lunch before I go down for the count. Right now, I will thank God that they have allowed me to rest. I'm not getting any better, and while that in itself is cause for concern I am more upset about what I have become this week.

I despise the person that has been laying on the couch motionless. I hate that my kids look in the living room for me before any other place. It's killing me that Paul is coming home to a messy kitchen with dishes lying around. I'm angry that I can't do more. I am a push through the pain kind of person, but I am at times unable to stand. The person I am this week is weak and it frustrates me.

The title of this post is the things you learn. This week I have learned that my kids can handle themselves quite well. They can play for hours at a time without needing me. I have been reminded that Paul is a rock and I can lean hard on him. I have learned that messes can and will wait. I need to rest, get through this and then I can go and take care of all the big cleaning jobs.

I'm sure that there is more but I am hurting. So back to my couch.