It seems to me that a lot of my friends are getting ready to have their first babies. I remember early on in my first pregnancy reading a commentary that spoke of what you go through during a pregnancy. Not the physical stuff but the emotional stuff. One thing that it touched on was how it often feels like every women who has had a baby feels the need to share their own stories with you while you are pregnant.
I found this to be so true. Fortunately for me most of the stories were good stories. I try very hard to suppress the urge to always comment on a pregnant moms thoughts but it's not easy. I think it's the bond of women that makes us share our experiences. It's our way of saying you are not alone.
Because of all of these pregnant people in the facebook world I have been thinking a lot of my own experience. I want to share two things. 1. The best advice I ever got. 2. The thing I wish someone would have told me.
1. The best advice came from a co-worker at the High School I was at. She told me to obey my child's schedule. How true this turned out to be. As long as I fed baby when baby was hungry and let baby nap when baby was tired, we were all happy campers. I learned to plan outings around feeding and napping schedules. I can safely say that this strategy has paid off for me in huge ways. I don't take my kids out when they're tired, even now I won't do it. I know that disobeying my children's need for schedules is a recipe of disaster. It's not always possible to obey the schedule, but the more you do the happier you all will be. And for the record, I don't believe people when they say their child doesn't have a schedule. Every baby has a schedule. Every person has a schedule.
2. The thing I wish I knew before we brought Catherine home. Now this is a biggie. I think the reason no one told me was because it's not a pretty moment. Here's my story. Catherine was born around 3:30 in the morning, after 12 hours in the hospital and another 12 hours or so before we left for the hospital. To say we were exhausted when we finally met her was an understatement. I remember the day we came home, it was the middle of the week and so we didn't have any visitors. My mom was there she got us settled in and then went on her way. Catherine slept a lot that first day home. Paul and I were in a daze of emotion. We had no idea what was coming.
That night could have been one of the most difficult and scariest moments of my life. Nothing serious happened. Catherine just cried. and cried, and cried some more. We fed her, burpped her, rocked her... We did everything we thought we were supposed to do but she wouldn't sleep. Not for anything. I remember sitting at the foot of the bed the next morning panic stricken thinking "is this my new life?".
Turns out it wasn't. We just needed to help Catherine learn the difference between night and day. It turns out that we had a lot to learn. Thankfully it didn't take us more than a few days to get into a wake/sleep pattern that worked.
What no one told me is just how hard the first few nights are. No one told me that the first night home is often the hardest. When Stephen came home we were more or less ready for a few long nights. Knowing what was coming made it all a bit easier.
No one wants to tell you that you have no idea how hard parenting is going to be. We don't want to scare new parents. Being scared isn't going to get you anywhere. The other thing is that you really can't prepare for the experience either.
My honest and humble opinions on what you need in order to make it:
I found this to be so true. Fortunately for me most of the stories were good stories. I try very hard to suppress the urge to always comment on a pregnant moms thoughts but it's not easy. I think it's the bond of women that makes us share our experiences. It's our way of saying you are not alone.
Because of all of these pregnant people in the facebook world I have been thinking a lot of my own experience. I want to share two things. 1. The best advice I ever got. 2. The thing I wish someone would have told me.
1. The best advice came from a co-worker at the High School I was at. She told me to obey my child's schedule. How true this turned out to be. As long as I fed baby when baby was hungry and let baby nap when baby was tired, we were all happy campers. I learned to plan outings around feeding and napping schedules. I can safely say that this strategy has paid off for me in huge ways. I don't take my kids out when they're tired, even now I won't do it. I know that disobeying my children's need for schedules is a recipe of disaster. It's not always possible to obey the schedule, but the more you do the happier you all will be. And for the record, I don't believe people when they say their child doesn't have a schedule. Every baby has a schedule. Every person has a schedule.
2. The thing I wish I knew before we brought Catherine home. Now this is a biggie. I think the reason no one told me was because it's not a pretty moment. Here's my story. Catherine was born around 3:30 in the morning, after 12 hours in the hospital and another 12 hours or so before we left for the hospital. To say we were exhausted when we finally met her was an understatement. I remember the day we came home, it was the middle of the week and so we didn't have any visitors. My mom was there she got us settled in and then went on her way. Catherine slept a lot that first day home. Paul and I were in a daze of emotion. We had no idea what was coming.
That night could have been one of the most difficult and scariest moments of my life. Nothing serious happened. Catherine just cried. and cried, and cried some more. We fed her, burpped her, rocked her... We did everything we thought we were supposed to do but she wouldn't sleep. Not for anything. I remember sitting at the foot of the bed the next morning panic stricken thinking "is this my new life?".
Turns out it wasn't. We just needed to help Catherine learn the difference between night and day. It turns out that we had a lot to learn. Thankfully it didn't take us more than a few days to get into a wake/sleep pattern that worked.
What no one told me is just how hard the first few nights are. No one told me that the first night home is often the hardest. When Stephen came home we were more or less ready for a few long nights. Knowing what was coming made it all a bit easier.
No one wants to tell you that you have no idea how hard parenting is going to be. We don't want to scare new parents. Being scared isn't going to get you anywhere. The other thing is that you really can't prepare for the experience either.
My honest and humble opinions on what you need in order to make it:
- flexibility - you might have a plan before your child comes a long, but in actuality your child will let you know if your plan was the right one - it's okay to change from your plan. I planned to breastfeed, and found it nearly impossible, once I accepted that it was okay to bottle-feed life got a bit easier
- a sense of humor - sometimes you just have to laugh
- courage - a wimpy parent is not going to get it done. Don't be afraid to tell people that you don't want visitors when the baby first comes home. If you have a rough labor and delivery you may just want to sleep and not worry about guests. Anyone who has had a child will understand this, those who have not will have to trust you. Honestly, the first 24 hours are hard enough without having to worry about visitors. People try to kid themselves saying no one cares what the house looks like, or what I look like, they just want to see the baby. BUT we all know this isn't true. It's ingrained in us to clean up if someone is coming over. You don't need this kind of pressure.
- acceptance - having a baby is a traumatizing experience. Both physically and mentally. Accept that you could never have been prepared for such a moment and all will be fine. Accept that you don't have all the answers or even all the control. Becoming a parent is a learning experience. We learn as we go, it's the only way. No baby book could ever get you 100% prepared. The thing about babies is they don't follow rules.
I love being a mom. I pray that all future moms experience the same joy and love that I have. Motherhood isn't always pretty, but it's always rewarding.
So true! I was prepared for sleepless nights when we brought Christopher home (I knew from my siblings particularly the twins), but shockingly he slept through the night! Got up once for a feeding and right back to sleep. Andrew on the other screamed the first 3 nights, I wanted to die :0 I'm curious to see how this baby will be, but preparing for the worst!
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