changes are gonna come.

This week I did something I have been avoided. I started the paperwork process that leads to getting back to the work world. What I have done is not huge but the significance behind it is. I filled out the Child Abuse Clearances, and the Criminal Background Check forms, and I started a rough copy of my resume (which I am rather tempted to post here someday).

This is it. God-willing, 2010 will be marked as the last year that I am a stay at home mom. If all goes well I will become a working-mom once again (does that sound dirty?). I am excited an nervous about this at the same time.

Just so you know I did not really choose to become a SAHM. It chose me, or should I say that God chose that for me? When I had Catherine I was miserable at home. I didn't have a network of friends, I didn't know what to do with myself. When she was three months old I returned to the classroom and never regretted it. Teaching is awesome for many reasons, but one of the great things about it is its holiday breaks. I liked the summers off and the holiday weekends. It fits the family life perfectly.

Since Stephen was born in August I stayed home until November. I went back to work with two kids in day-care and once again it didn't bother me. We were happy. Sure I felt bad that I put Stephen in daycare before he turned one (we had in home care for Catherine the first year), but I knew we were making the decision that was best for our family. When we discovered that we were pregnant again, we knew that I would have to stay home for at least a year (day-care for 3 is ridiculous) until Catherine was pre-school age (older kids child-care is less than little kids). When we discovered that we were having twins we knew then that my career was to go on an indefinite hold.

I was thrown into the world of SAHM because I couldn't afford the child-care that I would need in order to work. I accepted that reality, and dove into the life of an at home mom. To be honest I didn't even think about work for the first two and a half years at home. I was too busy with infant twins, and toddlers. It wasn't until David and Joshua turned 3 that I started to think about the next phase. Now they are four and they go to Kindergarten next year. I can't just think about going back to work, I have to start  applying for work.

I miss working, and I know that its the right thing to do. I don't have any guilt over this decision. Going back to work is a choice between two life-styles. Choice A: Keep the kids in their current school (St. John Vianney) where they are happy and thriving. Be able to buy kids the clothes they need and not fear that we are breaking the bank doing so. Knowing if Paul's car falls into disrepair we can afford to replace it. Be able to afford to replace the rundown/mismatched furniture we currently have. Choice B: Pull the kids from their school so that we can afford all the things listed in choice A.

Paul and I don't have a lot of fancy things. We cut corners where ever possible in an effort to save money. Having a second income would take tremendous financial pressure off of us. We can make it on a single salary, as long as we continue to live simply. I don't want to go back to work simply to afford the finer things in life. I want to go back to work because I want to give my kids what I think they deserve. I love their school, and I would be crushed if we had to take that from them. A huge benefit to working in our diocese is free-tuition. That alone will help us in huge ways. A second salary will allow us to breathe a little bit.

I want to work for Paul's sake. He takes on a lot of stress due to our finances. If I go back to work, he might be able to sleep better at night. He won't freak out when one of our kids decides to outgrow their entire wardrobe over night. I want to work because it's what is best for our family at this time. They no longer need me at home all the time. Once Dave and Josh head off to full-day school what am I supposed to do all day? A housewife I am not. And I do draw a distinction between housewife and SAHM. Both are honorable things to be. I just happen to see myself as a good mom not so much on the housewife stuff. I have tremendous respect for those who do well in the housewife department.

So dear readers, pray for me. Pray that I write the best resume and cover letter out there. Pray that I find the job that is best fit for me and my family. Pray that my nervousness fades over time. Pray for my family. Pray that my kids in 2011 grow in the strength of Christ. Pray that we all can adjust to the changes that will come about when I return to the world of work.

Peace and Merry Christmas.