not an expert, just experienced.

Have you ever noticed that a parent's FB status involving their child will grow with comments? Especially it its an advice seeking status.

All the sudden your fellow friends who happen to be parents have the right answer for you. They know just what to do. If you're a sensitive person you may get offended when reading other peoples comments because sometimes they can come off a bit strong (as if to say that their solution is the only solution). If you are not overly sensitive you will read the comments as they are meant to be: An experts opinion.

Okay so not really an expert, just an experienced parent who can tell you what has worked for them. Any level headed parent knows that every family is different and every child is different. Knowing this is the key to seeking parental advice. Take what they give you and see how it can work for you.

What makes an expert anyway? Is is someone who has studied children? Someone who has raised a whole bunch of kids? I don't get it. Someone once contacted me to ask me a parenting question because they figured I would be an expert on the subject. I think it was a potty training question, and I did just complete the fourth child's training. So sure maybe by the end I was a bit of an expert. Or maybe just really experienced. The funny thing was that all four of my kids needed different approaches and so I laid each one out.

If I were an expert at anything I would say it's reading the situation and seeing how to apply the right techniques to accomplish my goal. I'm going to use sleep training as my example. Catherine was my first and we didn't realize it until it was almost too late that we were approaching sleep time all wrong. We were developing the habit of waiting until she was sound asleep in our arms to put her down. I don't remember when we started the "feber" method, but I know that's what we ended up doing. Strait by the book. Stephen came along and he was a mild version of Catherine. We learned from the first to not wait until he's almost a year, and so we started sooner. We also knew that we had to let him entertain himself (i.e. don't hold him all the time). David and Joshua came along and once again we adjusted our sleep training strategies to their personalities (for the record David had problems and screamed for a good 6 months, no training worked until he started to feel better).

I am not an expert in putting babies to sleep. I am sure if you give me your non-sleeping baby I wouldn't magically have her sleeping like a champ. Unless I spent a considerable amount of time getting to know her and the family dynamic and then maybe I could help train the baby to be a great sleeper. My kids are all great sleepers. They are in bed by 7/7:30 and usually up by 7:30a (only true during unscheduled periods of life). This suits our lifestyle and personalities. What we do will not work for others. The key to our children's sleep/wake patterns is that it fits with our work schedules. Paul is out the door at sunrise and is home by 4pm (meaning we get enough wake-time with the kids that there is no reason to keep them up at night)

ANYWAY, The whole point of this post was to comment on the "experts" in parenting. I'd argue that there is no such thing. Even Mister Feber himself at one point recanted his "Feber method" saying it might not be the best choice. I do think it's wonderful how parents band together to lend sage wisdom to one another. What would I have done, had I not had friends to call on for their wisdom? My parenting wisdom only goes as far as a 7 year old girl. I would have nothing to offer for the problems you may face with a 10 year old boy (get back to me in five years).

As parents, we need to stick together. We need to help each other out. Don't be offended if someone doesn't take your advice. And don't puff your chest if yours is the advice taken. Don't dispense advice like you're the expert. Don't be afraid to add your pearls of wisdom on a subject that you are experienced with. (Quick side note: a major pet peeve of mine is when someone chimes in with some utterly useless statement. For example, I asked if anyone has a recommendation for a good movie for the kids to watch, don't tell me that you don't let your kids watch tv. That only makes you look obnoxious, just stay out of conversations that don't include you).

Parent's should cheer each other on and help each other out. Never should one parent put another down. We all make mistakes and we are not permitted to judge each others mistakes (I do judge and I recognize this as a huge crutch of mine). We should not be tempted to tell another parent that they are doing something wrong. I once knew a mom who's daughter only napped when nursing. And so for more than a year when it was nap time mom settled on the couch and nursed the child through the whole nap. I never said anything to her about this. It wasn't my place to. She wasn't hurting the baby. She was just making her life more complicated than necessary. If this friend asked me for help in breaking this habit I would have been all over it, but until then I needed to let it go.

We parents must stand united. It's how God created us. To depend on each other. To look to Him in our times of need. Parents are often in need and that's why he putts so many experienced parents in our lives.