life lessons.

Last week I had an epiphany. I realized that my kids learn best through experiences.

My uncle died at the beginning of the month. The I found out about it I drove out to be with my aunt and cousins. We told the kids about what happened and fielded all of the questions. One of them asked me "Why are you going to visit?" My response was "because it's what you do for your family."

It's the truth. Going to visit a grieving family member is what you do. I showed my family my love and compassion and at the same time I was showing my children how to be loving and compassionate. A few days later we went to the funeral, and again we were living examples to our children. My cousins asked me to read something at the cemetery.  Now doubt, it was hard, but I did it. I did it without thinking, because it's what you do.

My kids had an opportunity to see what it means to be a part of a big family. They saw what happens when you let love in. They saw the grief but they also saw the family support. The love.

Later that same week one of my best friends called me in a panic. I was in the car on the way to the movies with the kids and she needed a sitter because hers backed out at the last minute. When I got off the phone I told the kids the plans were changed. Not one of them complained.

Again I explained to them that this is what you do for your friends. This is what it means to be a good person. When someone needs you, you do what you can to help them. We responded to the call for help with joy and gratitude. I commended the kids later for being so accepting of the change in plans. I really was proud of them.

It wasn't until the end of the week that I reflected on all that was happening and I realized what we are doing for our kids. I don't think about these things on a daily basis. I just do them. I respond to the call to love on a daily basis. I want for my kids to do the same.

The only way that I can be sure that they will grow up to be good people is if I am a good person. We need to live a life of love in order to teach others how to do the same. It's not enough to just tell someone how to be good, you yourself have to be good as well.

I want for my kids to be selfless. I want for my children to grow up into good people. I want them to think nothing of bending over backwards for a friend of family member. I want them to say "it's what you do."

Begin the updates

February was the last time I posted on here. I haven't totally forgotten about my blog. I just allowed life to get in the way of leisure. Blogging is a leisure activity for me. The last year or so has been a crazy busy time for me and I have allowed myself to step away from an intense online presence to focus on the real world.

It's July now. In February I let loose with our growing troubles with my darling daughter Catherine. Six months have past since then and here is where we are:
We began counseling with Catherine in an attempt to get to the bottom of her anger. I wish I could say to right now that we have gotten there and everything is better.
It's not all better. What we can say is this: Catherine struggles to controll and express her emotions appropriately. We have seen improvements since we began the therapy process but we have miles to go.

The hardest part to all of this is trying to separate what are normal and appropriate reactions for a 9 year old and what extends beyond normal. Tantrums for two months strait? Not normal! We are happy to report that we are no longer fighting on a nightly basis. The second major challenge is shutting out the mean and awful things Catherine will say to us when she is "melting down." I have to constantly remind myself that in those moments that is not my daughter.

Catherine is and most likely always will be a hot tempered child. She will say mean things to get a reaction when she's frustrated. I will never accept that. She will always know that we cannot accept the nastiness. Standing our ground has been difficult and yet essential to our goal.

Catherine presents as a child with mood disorder (whatever that means). We will continue to work with professionals to help her learn to control the emotional roller coaster that she is on. We will stop at nothing to help her reach this goal.

I know this isn't much but this is all I'm willing to offer. Stay tuned maybe I'll give some more updates to make up for my long absence.