Decorating with kids.

A friend of mine inspired me to at least start this post. She mused a few days ago about needing to learn to let go of her control in the decorating process. This friend has only one baby who is fast approaching his first birthday, and because I don't actually get to see or speak to her ever I can only guess that he is starting to cause her to rethink some decorations. 

Anyway what it made me think of is how my decorating has evolved over the years. 9 (2002) years ago Paul and I celebrated our first Christmas as a married couple in an apartment with a sparsely decorated tree and two cheap glitter painted stockings. My belly was swelling hinting at the little one to make her arrival in a few short months. That year we decided that each year we would pick up a few things here and there to add to our decor. 

Year two (2003): We had moved from an apartment to a house, the catch? The living room and dining room were all one room. Not much space for a tree and a six month old girl and all the baby things. We added lights to our decorations, and a few new tree ornaments. 

It was year three (2004) that made all the difference.. This time we had a mobile 18 month old and a tired secretly pregnant mommy. Up went the tacky baby gates to keep our darling from the stairs, and the tree. Yes, we fenced the tree. Remember, we have one room as our primary living space. So not only did we put a fence around the tree to keep our curious daughter away, but we discovered the dangers of low lying tree ornaments. It was a sight to behold. The tree was bare from the bottom to about the 3 foot mark (where Catherine's reach extended). 

Years four (2005) and five (06) and six (07) were about the same. As year four gave us a 2 1/2 year old girl, a 4 month old boy, and a tired not-as-secret pregnant with twins mommy. Year five Catherine is 3, Stephen is 1 and the twins are 6 months. well, you get the idea. For several years we had small kids with sticky fingers. Tight living quarters did not make for an easy Christmas set-up. Year after year Paul and I would decorate our tree and celebrate the hilarity of having the ugly baby fence around the tree and the bottom three feet undecorated.

What sets year six apart from the others is that Catherine was 4 which meant she was in pre-school. Soon  she was coming home with decorations that she made at school. What to do. what to do. Embrace the childhood creations! I remember coming home every year around Christmas time with handmade tree ornaments for my parents. Some would have our pictures, some would not. My parents still have most of them, and they still hang them up. And starting that year we would have the same thing. In addition to the tree ornaments, come the wall art. In general I am not a saver, but holiday themed decor I have kept it all. Every year I pull out the Christmas buckets and lo and behold among the candle holders, reindeer and other such things are hand crafted pieces of art on construction paper. I put it all up with as much pride as anything else. 

Years 7 (2008) and 8 (09) And our boys were getting older, and so we removed the baby gate. We still had to carefully place each ornament. We let them take more of an active roll in putting them up. And the best part of allowing the kids to help hang ornaments? We progressed from having the bottom three foot section empty to overflowing with decorations (that being the only place they can reach). Our rule then is, if we catch you touching an ornament then we will move it to the top of the tree. So by Christmas the ornaments are all up high and out of reach. 

And now here we are... 2010 and everything has changed. We moved to a new house. We don't even own baby gates anymore. And we are no longer in the land of one room living. The tree is up, and the bottom is chock full of decorations and we aren't even half way through yet. We have Stephen's pre-school artwork and Catherine's art-work from the past 2 years up with pride. This year we will add things from all four kids to our collection and I could not be more excited about that. 

This year I pulled out a nativity scene that has been in a box since we got it. We have always owned two but were only able to put up one on our mantle. This other one is lovely and we have just the place for it in this hand. With my littlest ones now four they are less likely to break or damage the nicer things that I have been avoiding for years. I love spreading our decorations among many rooms, and of course it now looks as though I don't have much at all. Our store bought decor mixes well will the kids handmade art, and all of it screams family. 

Every year Paul and I try to add to our decor. We cannot spend a lot all at once so each year we pick up a few things. This years decorating budget went to the outside. Two small strands of lights just weren't going to cut it. A two story colonial needs more than a small front porch of a row home. 

I truly enjoy the evolution of our Christmas decorating.  I like letting the kids help. I love the homemade keep sakes. When my kids get old I want them to remember Christmas as something fun. I want them to look at our tree ornaments and pull from them fond memories of their childhood as I do when I go home and see mine on my parents tree. I remember my dad holding out our special ornament that is marked with our birthday for us to put up. I try to do the same for my kids (I had an ornament engraved for each of the kids). I remember putting up our handmade stocking on Christmas eve (I still haven't finished my kids stockings, but more on that later). 

I have many great memories of my childhood that involve Christmas and decorating, and I want for my children to have the same. This friend who wants to let go of control... she can if she wants, or she doesn't have to. I can remember not being allowed to put anything on the tree until my dad had all the lights just the way he wanted. I can remember him guiding us where to put certain ornaments. Even when he was here this weekend watching me light my tree he was giving me directions. It's part of the tradition, and I'm not sure that there is a right or wrong way to do it. 

The blaming game.

My daughter is currently preparing for the sacrament of first Penance. She will be receiving the sacrament in December. Part of her preparation is to learn about sin. As an adult, I don't give this subject much thought of course I understand what is a sin and what is not. But my daughter is 7, her understanding of sin is much different. 

Since my kids were babies we have taught them right from wrong. Before they could speak they understood what the word "no" meant. For a baby right from wrong is really what is safe versus what isn't safe. Think about it, most of our no's relate to keeping baby safe. 

No don't climb the stairs

No don't eat food from the floor (that's a lie I don't think I ever said that)

No don't walk into the street

No don't walk away from me

No don't touch sharp/breakable objects

As they get bigger we stem from safety to more behavioral things.

Don't throw your food on the floor

Don't take from brother or sister

No shouting inside or at a store

The experts tell us not to fill our children's heads with only negatives, focus on positives. Those lessons are also part of discipline. 

Saying please and thank you.

Put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. 

Pick up your toys.

We start to teach our kids right from wrong very early on. And when they reach a certain age they become more capable of making choices. How many times have you said no and your child looks at you and does the thing anyway? Somewhere around age 1 or 2 our children decide it's time to test their boundaries. They choose not to listen to us, and now we have to step up and respond appropriately. A two year old doesn't know he is sinning he only wants to know what will happen if he doesn't listen. 

So our teaching our children right from wrong includes punishments and positive reinforcements. I have done it all.

Hand slaps

Butt spankings

Time outs

Take away privileges (including toys)

Thanked them for doing a good job

Rewarded them for extra good behavior

It seams to me that children progress in their understanding of right from wrong with age. As they get older they become more capable of understanding actions versus reactions. They learn that if they run into the street they will not be allowed outside for a while. If they don't clean up they will not be allowed to play with toys for a while. Every choice has its reward. The tricky part is when they don't care about the consequences that come with their choices (this is what makes parenting such a roller coaster). 

Back to my daughter... At age seven she is learning about choices. Her religion text has reviewed with her the difference between choice and accident. Did someone choose to hurt you or was it an accident? This is one of the key components to sin: Choice. Sin is a choice to do something that is wrong. She is learning how to think about what she is going to do before she does it. What a lesson we all must practice daily! Sin comes in many shapes and sizes. Sin happens upon deep thought, and impulsive actions too. 

Now that she understands that sin is a choice, she gets into the next lesson: Forgiveness. Realizing your sin and asking for forgiveness then making the promise to sin no more. She is learning about accepting responsibility for her own actions. And that is what I really want to talk about.

Catherine is an emotional little girl. She runs hot and cold, very rarely is she anything in between. She challenges me on a daily basis. My family and friends always rave about how wonderful Catherine is, I often get complimented on her sweet nature. All of these things are true. She is sweet and wonderful and full of excitement. However (you knew this was coming), when she is at home she can be quite the opposite of sweet and wonderful. She fights and throws fits with the best of them. At times I am at a loss as to how to handle her outbursts. Most days she sent to her room where she will shout and carry on for upwards of 30 minutes (Her worst moment lasted an entire day off and on). 

Now that she is learning about sin and choices I attempt to use these outbursts as teaching moments: 

Do you realize you are making a bad choice right now?

Talking to me this way is a sin. 

It breaks the commandments when you behave in this manner. 

You get the idea. Sometimes I jump in a shout right back at her, then I realize that this is only leading to failure and so I step back and wait for the storm to pass. When it does it's time to sit and talk about what is really going on. The inevitable question: How did we get here?  In a calmed state I often try to talk to Catherine about the choices she made that got her into trouble in the first place. The biggest obstacle that she faces is her inability to accept responsibility for her actions. 

If you didn't do this... If Stephen/David/Joshua didn't say... She wants to place the blame on somebody else. It couldn't possibly be her fault. 

This past weekend she had a friend come over to play. Before her friend came over we talked to Catherine about her room. We told her that at the end of the day it would be her responsibility to clean up the room (no matter how messy it got), and that she should think about that when choosing what to take out and play with. Sure enough the two girls played the day away and after K went home for the night Catherine's room was a total disaster. And as soon as we sent Catherine in there to clean up the mess the fight began. In the midst of the clean-up she was angry. She blamed K for wanting to play with her things. She said she never wanted K to come over to play ever again. I go in there as calm as I can and remind her that this is what we talked about before she came over. 

The thing is, that if Catherine admits that the messy room is her doing than she has to suck it up and clean it herself. If she can somehow convince me that it wasn't her doing than maybe I'll take pity on her and clean with her. In the end, we win and her room is clean... but we didn't win just yet. The real problem wasn't the mess, it was the fact that she can't take responsibility for it. I see this becoming a life-long struggle. 

Blaming someone else for our wrong choices goes back to Adam and Eve. Think about it. The Lord asks Adam, who told you to eat the fruit? Adam replies, Eve. The Lord asks Eve, who told you to eat the fruit? Eve replies, the serpent. They were so afraid to face the Lord and his punishment that they thought it would be better if it wasn't their fault. 

One of the many lessons revealed in the Adam and Eve story is that you can't hide behind blame. Sin is about making choices and when you choose to do something that is wrong when you know that it's wrong you are sinning. 

So, day to day we have to explain this to Catherine. It wasn't her friends fault that she was having a meltdown about cleaning her room. That was her own choosing. Yes she had help making a big mess, but she wasn't in trouble for making the mess. She was in trouble for fussing about cleaning the mess. It was Catherine that choose to make a big deal about cleaning. She started talking back to us and refusing to do her job. But in her mind, she shouldn't have to clean up a mess that wasn't her fault in the first place. See? Back to the blame. It wasn't my fault. 

But that's rarely true. The sins we commit are always our fault. We can't blame anyone else but ourselves. or can we? Can we blame the serpent? After all, he does make the fruit so enticing. Didn't he tell Eve that God mislead her? He made that fruit seem like the best idea in the world. Maybe it was the serpents fault? or maybe... Eve still had a choice to make. At the end of the day she gave into temptation. And so do we. I know it's a terrible idea to keep eating the chocolate, but I still do it. I'm giving in. No one is making me eat the chocolate. No one is forcing me. If I am forced then it's not a choice. I have to live by my choices. And I can't blame anyone else for my mistakes. I need to own them. I need to teach my children to own their mistakes. 

Maybe this seams like an uphill battle. On some level it is. Week after week I have the same conversations with my daughter, and soon I'm sure I will have them with my sons. I can't stop having these conversations. I can't stop demanding nothing but the best from my sons and daughter. I must teach them again and again to own their sins, seek forgiveness for them, and work to commit them no more. 

It drives me crazy that they blame other people for their wrong doings, and I will work tirelessly to show them that it just won't work. 

Praying through it.

Something that I have been working on is prayer. I don't pray enough. I'm very conscious of complaining too much or even asking for too much. I'm afraid of being judged harshly. So, I don't pray enough.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Not all prayer is complaints or begging for things. Some prayer is for giving thanks. I try really hard to direct most, if not all, of my prayer to giving thanks. And, when I don't I feel as though I have failed.
Right now, as I am writing this, I know that this is not even close to true. I know that I am not a failure. I know that I am not perfect as well. I also know that I need to pray more. I need to shift my focus to Our Lord.
I should take the time to ask for the things I need. I should take the time to lay all my faults and failings out there. Right? Of course I should. But I am a weak and fearful child. I don't know why I am so afraid to just lay it out there. I don't know why I am afraid to ask for the things I need, or to even cry about the struggles I face.
Sometimes I do feel as though my struggles aren't worth the Lords time. (He's got bigger things to deal with) I do have to remember that I am just as important as the person next to me. That no problem is too big or too small for our Lord to here.
In addition to my need to lay down the bad stuff I need to offer more thanksgiving. I don't thank God enough. Once upon a time, I was told to thank God every day for something. No matter what my day was like I had to thank God for one thing, and consider it a personal failing if I didn't. At the time I was in a dark place and this was my Saviors (Holy Spirit working through his servant) way of getting me through it. I did get through it. In those days I made three promises that I had to keep daily. And thanking God was one of them. I kept it. And I am convinced that simple prayer saved my soul.
So here I am, not quite in a dark place. Maybe a bit shadowy at times... But here never-the-less I see a great need in my life to increase my prayers.
I need to ask the Lord for the things I need.
I need to thank the Lord for the things I have.
My days need to be filled with prayers. Pray will shine light so bright that the shadows can't break through. And so the question is: If I know that this is what I need, why am I having such a hard time doing it?

me and make-up.

I don't wear make-up. There I said it. Of course if you look at photos of me that fact becomes painfully obvious.
I have been cursed blessed with very poor skin. When I was a teenager with the breakouts all over I kept thinking I just have to get past this puberty thing and I'll be fine. By the time I hit my 20s my skin will clear and this will be a distant memory of awkward teenager hood.
Well... I'm thirty and my face still breaks out constantly. Nothing that I am willing to try has ever worked. So I just live with it. Not much else I can do about it.
This next part I do not mean to blame my mom or anyone else but it has to be said... The constant break-outs are one reason I don't wear make-up. I always feel that putting on make-up to cover the break-outs only highlights them and draws more attention.
The bigger reason that I don't wear it is because I never truly learned how to wear it, nor did I ever develop that ritual most women have. There was no magical coming of age mommy and daughter moment wear she showed me how to apply certain products.
Part of it may have been that my mom worked a lot in order for us to have the things we did (i.e. private schools, food, clothing). Part of it may have been that I was the middle of five kids and that kept my mom really busy. Part of it may have been that I didn't show much interest. I wasn't exactly the girlie girl back then.
In high school I owned a lot of flannel, over sized jeans, listed to alternative music, and only ever wore chuck taylors. (By the way I so want a pair of chucks for christmas) I didn't spend time fixing my hair. I got up I showered ran a brush through my locks grabbed a rubber band and went on my way. I think I got it cut once a year.
So my lack of knowledge of make-up was no ones fault. I just never figured it out. I think it was a time thing too. I couldn't be bothered to spend the time putting stuff on. I would wear some one day and then not the next.
Here I am at age 30. I own few make-up items. I had to look up instructions on how to wear eye shadow a few months back (I wanted to get it right). I very rarely put it on. At this point only if I am getting dressed up for some big thing do I bother.
It has never been a modesty thing, though that would be the nicer story to tell. I could say that I don't want to be vain about my looks. I don't want to obsess about my appearance. I will never be that girl that feels horrified when people see me without make-up. Instead, I am horrified when my breakouts are at their worse (but still do nothing to hide them). In truth, I really don't care that much. I never have.
It wasn't until about a year and half ago that I started taking the time to do my hair on a regular basis. Now it's something I do almost daily. And when I am in a rush, like today, I just throw on a hat. It's the short hair that does it. For years I had long hair and I would just pull it back, day after day. I finally got the never to cut it short. Short hair means no pulling it back. Short hair means daily maintenance.  I like it short, but I am ready to go back to longer hair for a while.
I like the low maintenance lifestyle. And really at the end of the day. Looks don't matter.

The best $30 I ever spent.

This week has been a very trying one at best. I wrote earlier about my fight with the cold. I am winning by the way.

My fight with poison ivy? I am losing. back in August I had my first experience with it and it was horrible. I didn't even know I had it in my yard. And about two weeks after I started cleaning out the backyard overgrowth I broke out. It was bad. My legs and arms were covered. After prolonged suffering I went to the doctor and got drugs and a shot. The shot hurt like I couldn't have expected. But after a few days my angry red splotches faded into a lovely map of brownish scars and then faded away completely.
So weeks pass and my husband tries to conquer our overgrowth. He wasn't fully covered and he broke out all over his arms and legs. His clears up and we again attempt to go bring down the poison ivy. I was protected head to toe. As soon as we were done for the day I threw out my gloves and tossed my clothes in the wash.
A week later and the blisters and splotches are coming on. So here we go again.

But really that's not the point of this post. It's been a miserable week for sure. But my boys have been awesome! Only problem is that I scheduled a family portrait for today, and I am far from ready. My nose is a lovely shade of red from all the nose blowing. This years photo will look great with my dried cracked skin. And the breakouts, that's been fun this week too. Meanwhile, my boys.... Their hair was out of control.
I have three boys. And they are "all boy." Meaning, they run, they play, they tackle, they don't sit still for very long. Also, have you seen the price of kids hair cuts these days $12 at the cheap places! A few years ago I discovered the joy and ease of the buzz cut. Why not just shave it off for the summer. It's only hair.
Last Summer I realized that I shouldn't be paying upwards of $40 every few weeks to keep my boys hair tamed. Is is me or does boys hair grow faster? I take Catherine twice a year, and the boys every 3 months. I finally went out and invested in some clippers. I gave it a try in the spring and it turns out buzz cuts are amazingly easy. Later I went out and got a cape to contain the mess. In the spring and summer I take off their shirts stand them on a stool and buzz away. I have come to realize the only thing I still need is trimmers to do the neck and ears. I get by with what I have now, but eventually I would like to have the trimmers.

I'll tell you what. This is so much easier than taking them out to get their hair cut. I will try to learn how to do more than just buzzing, but for now it works. I don't have to wait in line, deal with energetic kids, and I can do it when I feel like it. The clippers paid for themselves in the first use. Since I bought them last spring I figure I have saved well over $100 in hair cuts. Yesterday I cleaned up the twins so they would be ready for todays pictures.
Take a look:

Before (it's really bad around ears and back)

After: boy has a crooked forehead. I had to shave his forehead. :)

Before

After:

waiting.

Right now I am waiting for Stephen to get off the bus. This will be the second time he is riding the bus home without his big sister.
I am not usually a worrier. I don't even miss my kids when they are gone. BUT... he is only five and he's a little forgetful sometimes, so riding a big 'ol school bus all by himself is kind of a big deal.
Clearly I am not that concerned because I am still not going to stand in the rain to catch him at is stop. Nope, I am here in the comfort of my house. Waiting for him to come through the garage door. Oh stop freaking out and thinking horrible things about me. The bus drops him off right in front of the house. All he has to do is cross the street and walk up the driveway. He's a big boy he can do it. ;)

I'm also waiting for my house to clean itself. But it won't.

This week I have been sick. I am coming to terms with a serious issue with greasy foods. It turns out I have virtually no tolerance for greasy food. I eat them and then I get very sick. That was my Sunday night into Monday Morning.
By the afternoon I felt better. I did some light cleaning and went on with my day.
Monday night came and I felt the first signs of a cold. Tuesday I woke up and knew I was in trouble.
I got hit up with heavy congestion and some lovely body aches to boot. Tuesday the twins and I ran some morning errands, which included a trip to CVS. I stocked up on some meds and made my way home.

This week I took on some of the dinner responsibilities, which means I set up the crock-pot. I did that both for Monday and Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon I got in my customary load of laundry, did the daily dishes, and that was it.

Wednesday came and still not much better. I switched from the Nyquill family of products over to sudafed. The body aches disappeared and by afternoon I felt a little bit more functional. So on top of my daily load of laundry and dishes, I swept the kitchen floor, and put some things away that have been lying around the house.

Today is Thursday. I am clearly on the mend but not totally better yet. I can now take off body aches as a symptom and add sinus headache that makes you want to cry like a baby when you bend over to pick something up.

My poor gross bathrooms will have to wait one more day for much needed attention. But at least my floors are swept and most of my counters are cleaned.

What I am thankful for is David and Joshua who have been awesome this week. They are stuck with me and my crabby sickies, and they are right now downstairs playing nicely.