Something that I have been working on is prayer. I don't pray enough. I'm very conscious of complaining too much or even asking for too much. I'm afraid of being judged harshly. So, I don't pray enough.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Not all prayer is complaints or begging for things. Some prayer is for giving thanks. I try really hard to direct most, if not all, of my prayer to giving thanks. And, when I don't I feel as though I have failed.
Right now, as I am writing this, I know that this is not even close to true. I know that I am not a failure. I know that I am not perfect as well. I also know that I need to pray more. I need to shift my focus to Our Lord.
I should take the time to ask for the things I need. I should take the time to lay all my faults and failings out there. Right? Of course I should. But I am a weak and fearful child. I don't know why I am so afraid to just lay it out there. I don't know why I am afraid to ask for the things I need, or to even cry about the struggles I face.
Sometimes I do feel as though my struggles aren't worth the Lords time. (He's got bigger things to deal with) I do have to remember that I am just as important as the person next to me. That no problem is too big or too small for our Lord to here.
In addition to my need to lay down the bad stuff I need to offer more thanksgiving. I don't thank God enough. Once upon a time, I was told to thank God every day for something. No matter what my day was like I had to thank God for one thing, and consider it a personal failing if I didn't. At the time I was in a dark place and this was my Saviors (Holy Spirit working through his servant) way of getting me through it. I did get through it. In those days I made three promises that I had to keep daily. And thanking God was one of them. I kept it. And I am convinced that simple prayer saved my soul.
So here I am, not quite in a dark place. Maybe a bit shadowy at times... But here never-the-less I see a great need in my life to increase my prayers.
I need to ask the Lord for the things I need.
I need to thank the Lord for the things I have.
My days need to be filled with prayers. Pray will shine light so bright that the shadows can't break through. And so the question is: If I know that this is what I need, why am I having such a hard time doing it?
1st- love the new look of your blog! love the text!
ReplyDelete2nd- i was thinking about prayer too this morning! i was thinking about exactly what you brought up. crazy! i find i have the opposite problem. i tend to pray only when i want something or am in trouble. i've been neglecting to pray in thanksgiving for what i do have and what i don't (like bad health, etc). i heard somewhere about starting a thankful journal. where you list things every day you have to be thankful for. i want to try to do that mentally. as you probably know, being a mom is pretty easy and i don't have time for lengthy prayers as much, so i've been craving out small parts of my day like before work to say small, quick prayers.
I tend to beat myself up about this too...I find that most of my day is gone and I think to myself, "Wow I haven't prayed at all today". Like you said though, we're not perfect, so try not to beat yourself up too much. Just remember that prayer is more than thoughts/words put together. It's love in action and by taking care of your family, you are offering quite a beautiful prayer. :)
ReplyDelete@ Marjorie. Thanks for the comment about the backdrop. The only problem is that my nav bar disappeared. I do like it though.
ReplyDeleteAs for prayer. I do like to think that just by living my vocation as wife and mother that I am satisfying the need for prayer. But I know deep down that I need to increase in my daily efforts. It's a struggle to know what needs to be done and still fail at getting it done. We should all strive to increase our prayer. Imagine the souls we'd save.