8 days.

I went to the neurologist on March 3 to deal with my headaches. Starting at the end of December I had been experiencing headaches of varying degrees of intensity non-stop. Most of January and February are lost in drug induced hazes. Never getting better and only suffering from vicious side-effects of each new medication that my doctor wanted me to try. I spent several weeks hardly able to move from the couch. I slipped into depression (thanks to the medication). I stayed as quiet as I could in cyber land conscious of being a complainer. I waited it out as best I could. Told my doctor what he needed to hear and eventually got my appointment with the neurologist. 

I came home from the neurologist cautiously optimistic. I was put on a less intense medication meant to treat a different type of headache (my primary doc had been treating me for migraines, the head doc wanted to treat it like a tension headache). I was told to chart my headaches. Take the meds and some vitamins and come back in  a month. 

It's March 28. I go to the doctor next week and so far I only have 8 non-consequtive days without a headache. I guess I could be concerned. But I am more determined to just find an end to it. The headache did break for a few days after the initial treatment, but they are still coming back. 

On the plus side I no longer feel like a zombified version of myself. Unless I supass a 6 on the ouch scale (which doesn't happen too often), I can still function and get things done. I just have a nagging discomfort pulsating behind the eyes, or at the base of my skull (depending on the day I'm having). The dizziness is gone. The lethargy has left too. It's just these darn headaches. 

I joke that most days I feel like I'm in my 1st trimester of pregnancy (which I am NOT), run-down, tired, and a little bit off (luckily no sickish belly). 

Well April is the end of this week and I am more than ready for this month to be over. I am ready for more sunshiny days. I find it amusing that I always feel better when it's sunny. The doctor even recommended getting out in the sun for a few minutes each day. I am loving forward to starting my gardening and I will find a way to get it done. 


Here's to feeling better!

teach the children well.

I'm on a parenting kick. So here's the next installment: Allowance and what it's good for.

Halfway through Catherine's first year of school our parish sent home a children's collection envelope. We decided that this would be a good time to start teaching Catherine about charitable giving as well as financial responsibility. She was five at the time so clearly she wasn't going to become a financial expert anytime soon, we just wanted to help her understand the value of money.

In general we are not in the habit of buying luxury items for our kids randomly. The two times a year our kids get "stuff" is birthdays and Christmas (and sometimes Easter). Throughout the year we will make sure that their needs are met, but new toys and treasures are a rare treat. This lifestyle does not prevent our children from wanting the world, it just teaches them that they can expect the world only on holidays.

At age 5 we decided that Catherine would get $.50 a week. I know that this isn't much, but it's enough for a five year old and over time it adds up. We had her put an additional $.50 in her church envelope. Every Sunday we would sit at the table and dole out the money. There were no strings attached to the allowance it was just given. Though we've never had a set chore list, there is an expectation that when we ask you to do a task you do it.

Overtime Catherine would have a build-up of money and that's when we would ask her what she wants to do with her money. There is no limit to what she can do with her allowance, we have always made that very clear. Most of the time Catherine uses hers for books. It gives her a sense of pride to take her hard-earned money and buy something that she really wants that we might otherwise pass up.

As Catherine has gotten older the allowance structure has changed a bit. She now earns $1 a week, and there are strings attached. Stephen is now earning money as well ($.50/week), no strings. Because Catherine is older she is more capable of understanding there are consequences to her actions she has the ability to lose part of her allowance if her behavior warrants it. If she acts up she is warned, if she doesn't change her behavior she loses $.25 at a time. We settle up every Sunday (and all four kids fill out church envelopes).

Giving our kids allowance has really helped them understand the value of things. Catherine sees the cost of things and really thinks about weather its worth emptying her bank. She loves to watch her bank fill up with money, and loves even more taking her money to buy something. Recently she was paging through the scholastic book club and was trying to decide what book she wanted to spend her money on, in the end we made a deal. There was a three book set that she wanted for $12 we made her put $4 in and we supplied the rest. When the books come in we keep two and she gets one. We will let her earn the other two (through good behavior/deeds) at a later date. Now she wants to save up money to buy American girl products. I'll admit, Stephen is less focused on saving and spending his money. He's been earning since September and has only bought one thing, at this point I'm guessing he has quite a bit of money saved up.

The second great lesson they are learning is being charitable. Every week they give money in their church envelopes. It's not a lot of money, but it's enough for them to understand what charity is. I try to explain to them that we are giving to the church in an effort to give back to God as a way of giving thanks for all of our blessings. In our times of need the Lord has always provided for us, and so it is only natural for us to give what we can when we can. We try to do this not only by giving money but by doing things for people. And when the kids ask why we are doing what we do, we explain to them that it is the right thing to do, and it's what Jesus wants of us.

I suppose what we have taught our kids has sunk in on some level because our kids are slowly showing a generous spirit from time to time. Last Monday I had the news on and footage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan was on. Catherine was amazed (as was I) by the total devastation. After seeing what has happened she declared: I have to give up my allowance this week for these people. At that moment I could not be prouder, she didn't even hesitate. She sees a need greater than her own and has decided that she can do without for a week if it means helping someone else. We know $1 wont get very far, but for her $1 is what she has to give and that's all that matters.

Giving our kids allowance has been a good learning experience for us. Making them fill out church envelopes and filling them has also been a good instructional tool. Both have given us the opportunity to teach our kids about the value of money, goods and generosity. I know that we are not giving our kids a lot of money each week but that's not really the point. The point of the exercise is to teach them how to save not to allow them to get the things they want faster. As they get older we may have to increase their earnings but with that will come more responsibility on their part. For now what they get is enough for them, and for us too. 

another chapter in my parenting book.

A while back I talked about what I would write if I were going to write a book. Lately I have been thinking about other aspects of parenting so I thought I'd give you another installment. This chapter would be called:

Give them an Inch, let them run the Mile

Just this past weekend we bought the kids a new swing set. It took us the whole week to build the thing and all of us were very excited when it was complete. It was a big purchase for us but it was also an investment. We knew that we would be getting our money's worth.

One thing I learned very early in parenthood is how to let your children play. Taking advice from experienced friends, I simply let my kids go. I learned to let them explore their limits. Test the ground they walk on.

By the time my kids were 3 I let them go outside unsupervised. I'll admit that until the youngest were 3 they had a fenced in back yard. But our new home does not have a fence around the property, and I feel no need to change that. At 3 my kids were able to understand boundaries, if I tell them to stay within a certain area, for the most part they listen. Now, my youngest are 4 years old and I very rarely go outside to watch them play.

The rules of the house are stay in the back yard. We have a giant boulder out front that they think is a great rock to climb and sword fight. Every now and then I catch them out there and chase them to the back yard. But for the most part my kids will play freely out back, without parental supervision. This is a great tool for me. It allows me to get so much done without having the kids hover over me.

When the kids are outside I try to make sure that they are not alone (which very rarely happens anyway). I also do keep an eye on them. I don't watch every move but I make a point to check on them every few minutes. If I can't keep windows open to listen out for them I will usually keep my activity to the first floor where I can see them the best.

The point is that I have taught them to play without me. And I have taught myself to let them go. So how did I do it? How did I get to the point where I am now? Which is to say, I can tell my kids to go play and they almost always do. They do not come to me to ask for entertainment. They can play outside for hours (even before we got them the swing set). How did I get here?

It's rather simple.

• When they are infants you have to put them down. Leave them in a safe place and walk away. Give them a few toys to play with and let them go. When they cry (for attention) don't rush to their side give them a moment to try and figure out how to solve their own problem. 
• When they are toddlers you have to let them explore safely. Don't follow behind them every step. Again, make sure they are safe, but give them distance and freedom to test their independence. Leave them alone to play while you go do something else for a moment. For me I would leave the babes in a gated room and go throw a load of laundry in the wash. I would be gone for no more than five minutes at a time. This is just enough time for them to learn how to play. 
• When my kids were around 2 years old I started leaving them in the back yard by themselves. I would walk in the house and stay out of sight for five  minutes, then I would re-appear. If they are playing safely I would let them go. If they were getting into trouble I would stop them and go again. Rarely did I ever try to solve their boredom (that is how they learn to play).
• As they grow from toddlers to pre-schoolers I would give them more space. Less supervision, more trust. When they come to me because they are bored I send them away. 
• If the weather is clear they are required to go outside for at least 1 hour. Otherwise they have a playroom at their disposal. 

I am almost certain that a playroom is required for happy kids. It doesn't have to be a room that is only theirs. But I do think that kids do need a space that is theirs where they are free to play and explore. They need freedom. My kids playroom for years was my living room. During the day it was their space and at the end of the day the toys were put away, the kids were put in bed and it was our living room again. It took us a long time to be able to give our kids a room that was all theirs and not shared by us. Again, when this finally happened everybody in the house was happy. 

My point is this: Children need to play. Parents need to let their kids play. When you allow your children to play freely everybody wins. Your children will learn to develop an imagination, and you will learn to relax while your child is soaking up life. 

On Friday after I attached the final piece onto the swing set I finished all of my household chores. My older kids came home from school and were so excited to finally play on the new swing set. I popped a bag of pop-corn (btw all four of my kids can make pop-corn unsupervised because I taught them how to;) and sat and read a book. That's what letting your kids play can give you, a moment to rest... 

and while on the subject of love.

So I told you why I chose Barnes and Noble over Amazon when it comes to e-readers, now I will tell you why I love Amazon. Amazon is a great company and I have to say they treat their customers right.
Back in February I noticed a small scratch on my iphone screen and I panicked. At the same time Paul's phone cover was breaking down. We already had to replace our phones once because one was dropped and the glass shattered (after two years of use). I decided that we needed to spend more money on better covers because we cannot replace our phones anytime soon.
They are expensive phones and well worth the investment but we need to make them last as long as possible. I decided to get us otter boxes, they are by far the strongest covers that I have found. I chose for both of us the commuter series which is thinner then the original defenders. Mine is red, and Paul's is black (like you care).
Anywho I ordered them at the end of February and they were supposed to arrive the first week of March. They didn't. I let two weeks go by and after checking my order status several million times I determined that they were lost in the mail.
I emailed Amazon and told them my sad little story. And here's where Amazon wins my heart. I got a response within 10 minutes. Essentially the apologized for my item being lost in the mail, they would resend it at no cost to me and upgrade my shipping. My new phone covers arrived by the end of the week.

Now for the phone cover review:
The otter boxes are nice. They are sturdy covers. My only complaint is the screen protector. There was a tab on the front of the protector so you would know how to install it. The tab did not peel off properly and left a sticky residue in the corner. We may have to go and buy new protectors. Paul's looks better than mine but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get the gunk off. Also, mine has a few small bubbles with lint trapped under it and I can't get them without risk of damaging the screen protector.
As a whole I love the knew phone cover, but I wasn't thrilled with the screen protector. I'd give the experience a 4 out of 5 star rating.

And that, my friends, is what's great about Amazon. 

technological love.

A few weeks back Paul surprised me by letting me pick out an e-reader. He knew I have wanted one for a while but was hesitant because of the overall cost of the thing.

The initial cost wasn't the problem its the cost of buying books that held us back. I'm a reader. I read a lot. I read fast. And most importantly I don't re-read. So the hold-up is how many books can I buy? I don't have an un-limited fun budget. In fact, my luxury budget is almost non-existant, and books are most certainly a luxury.

So I was truly excited to be able to buy an e-reader but I knew I would have to keep my book budget in check. I bought my e-reader at the end of January and I haven't yet bought a book. I have almost 30 e-books and I've only actually read 2 of them so far (I've been too sick to read).
The first step to getting an e-reader was deciding which one to get. I narrowed it down to the Kindle and the Nook.

Here's the breakdown:
Kindle: Amazon, costs less, good battery life, great reviews, has free books available
Nook: Barnes and Noble, could go with color or black and white, can share books with other users, has a weekly book giveaway, has free books available, can download library books. Can read books for free over the internet while in a B&N store (and occasionally they have free treats in the cafe for nook owners)

I choose the Nook. I choose the Nook because you can share books with other people, and because I can access library books with it (though I haven't yet I will soon). I also couldn't find a program like the Nook's where every Friday you get a free book that is not always a part of the already free selection of classic literature (it's like i-tunes free songs of the week). Both the Kindle and the Nook are favored well by most people, and evidently Amazon and B&N have great customer service should anything happen with the device. Overall the Nook had everything that I wanted and the Kindle was missing a few things that I didn't want to give up.

The next step was deciding between a Nook color or the black and white. That decision was even easier (and the $100 difference in price wasn't the hold-up). I went with black and white for one main reason. It's easier on the eyes. You can read it in bright sunlight with no glare problems. The color model offers web-browsing, animated children's books, and magazines. I don't need one more web-browsing device. The Nook is for Paul and I not the kids. And I did have to give up magazines (which admittedly would have been neat to have). The other thing to note is that I am still hopeful to get an ipad when I go back to work and that would do what the nook color can do and more).

The Nook we have is doing everything we want it to do and nothing we don't. When Paul travels for work he gets to take it with him, but otherwise it's mine. I am in love. It's so simple and so easy to use and convenient. It's small and light and fits in my purse. I carry it everywhere I go. Waiting in Doctors offices (which I have done a lot recently) I don't have to lug around a big book. It saves my page so when I put it down and walk away I can come back to it and not worry where I left off.

One of the first free books I downloaded was Magyk. It's a kids book that was described as a suitable Harry Potter replacement. I gave it a try and loved it. When I was done I told Catherine about it. I showed her how to use my nook and access the book and now when I am not reading she borrows it to read this book. The second book I just finished is A Child al Confino (also a free Friday Selection), also a great book and amazing story.

I never would have known about these books had it not been for the free Friday blog. Now I have a series I want to read  and have read a story that touched my heart. I haven't decided what I am going to read next but I have decided that I am so glad that we invested in the Nook.