My yearly panic.

Paul leaves tomorrow for four days and I am in a panic about it. Don't worry, I know how pathetic this is. I have several friends who's husbands travel weekly for their jobs. Mine doesn't.
He comes home every night at 4pm. He helps make dinner (correction: he makes dinner). He helps with clean-up after dinner. Paul helps supervise the kids as they get dressed for bed, he brushes teeth while I do stories.
He's there. Every night. Way back in the day in the early weeks of having 4 kids under the age of 3 my survival was rooted in Paul's consistent work schedule. I didn't have a whole lot of help at home. I did most of it on my own. At least until 4pm. I can recall the days of living hour to hour. Knowing that if I could make it till 4pm everything would be fine.
So there it is. Even now, I live for 4pm. I look forward to Paul's entry everyday. Knowing that if I am having a bad day it will somehow get better then. Or if it's a good day I can share it with him.
My kids don't nap, they haven't in over two years now. By mid-afternoon they are tired, and getting restless. It's nice to have that reinforcement right when I need it most. When they were babies, Paul would be coming home just as they were waking up from the afternoon nap. That afternoon was always the longest stretch of awake time before bed. I rely on that break. I am no longer alone. Now that they are older  I need that help more than ever. He comes home and I am trying to organize their school papers. Catherine is doing homework, Stephen is on the edge because he's tired from a long day of school. David and Joshua are on the hunt for trouble because they have been home all day waiting for their brother to get home.
Mornings are easy. Afternoons are not.
So there you have it. Starting tomorrow and lasting until Saturday, my reinforcement will not be here. I won't have a break until the kids are in bed at 7. I will have to cook dinner. I will have to clean up from dinner. I will have to supervise clean-up. I will have to get kids showered and dressed for bed. I will have to brush teeth and do stories. All without my normal help.
It's truly a cause for panic because it is not my normal. I like my normal. I like consistency and I do not like this annual break from it.
Like I said, I know that this is pathetic. I know most moms cook and clean up without help nightly. I get it, that this is not supposed to be a big deal. But for me it is.
I have been blessed with a husband who does these things for me. And I thank God everyday for it. I have been blessed with a husband who has a job with such a family friendly schedule. And for that I thank God.
I am thankful for the blessings I have. I do not dare take them for granted. In the end, I know that I will be fine this week. Every year I worry. And every year I get through it just fine. That's faith in action.
I will always remember when Paul went back to work after the twins were born. It was a monday morning and he kissed me goodbye. I sat there and thought, can I really do this? And before I gave it another thought Paul was walking through the door  (with Catherine in tow) to find Stephen playing on the floor, David propped on the pillow next to me and Joshua nursing in my arms. He dropped his bags sat down and picked up David to finish feeding him. It took me a good three months to wake up and realize that not only could I do it, but I was doing it.
So I panic today. And I'll kiss Paul good bye thinking to myself, can I do this? And the next time I think of it will be when he walks through the door on Saturday.

1 Cor 10: 12-13