another chapter in my parenting book.

A while back I talked about what I would write if I were going to write a book. Lately I have been thinking about other aspects of parenting so I thought I'd give you another installment. This chapter would be called:

Give them an Inch, let them run the Mile

Just this past weekend we bought the kids a new swing set. It took us the whole week to build the thing and all of us were very excited when it was complete. It was a big purchase for us but it was also an investment. We knew that we would be getting our money's worth.

One thing I learned very early in parenthood is how to let your children play. Taking advice from experienced friends, I simply let my kids go. I learned to let them explore their limits. Test the ground they walk on.

By the time my kids were 3 I let them go outside unsupervised. I'll admit that until the youngest were 3 they had a fenced in back yard. But our new home does not have a fence around the property, and I feel no need to change that. At 3 my kids were able to understand boundaries, if I tell them to stay within a certain area, for the most part they listen. Now, my youngest are 4 years old and I very rarely go outside to watch them play.

The rules of the house are stay in the back yard. We have a giant boulder out front that they think is a great rock to climb and sword fight. Every now and then I catch them out there and chase them to the back yard. But for the most part my kids will play freely out back, without parental supervision. This is a great tool for me. It allows me to get so much done without having the kids hover over me.

When the kids are outside I try to make sure that they are not alone (which very rarely happens anyway). I also do keep an eye on them. I don't watch every move but I make a point to check on them every few minutes. If I can't keep windows open to listen out for them I will usually keep my activity to the first floor where I can see them the best.

The point is that I have taught them to play without me. And I have taught myself to let them go. So how did I do it? How did I get to the point where I am now? Which is to say, I can tell my kids to go play and they almost always do. They do not come to me to ask for entertainment. They can play outside for hours (even before we got them the swing set). How did I get here?

It's rather simple.

• When they are infants you have to put them down. Leave them in a safe place and walk away. Give them a few toys to play with and let them go. When they cry (for attention) don't rush to their side give them a moment to try and figure out how to solve their own problem. 
• When they are toddlers you have to let them explore safely. Don't follow behind them every step. Again, make sure they are safe, but give them distance and freedom to test their independence. Leave them alone to play while you go do something else for a moment. For me I would leave the babes in a gated room and go throw a load of laundry in the wash. I would be gone for no more than five minutes at a time. This is just enough time for them to learn how to play. 
• When my kids were around 2 years old I started leaving them in the back yard by themselves. I would walk in the house and stay out of sight for five  minutes, then I would re-appear. If they are playing safely I would let them go. If they were getting into trouble I would stop them and go again. Rarely did I ever try to solve their boredom (that is how they learn to play).
• As they grow from toddlers to pre-schoolers I would give them more space. Less supervision, more trust. When they come to me because they are bored I send them away. 
• If the weather is clear they are required to go outside for at least 1 hour. Otherwise they have a playroom at their disposal. 

I am almost certain that a playroom is required for happy kids. It doesn't have to be a room that is only theirs. But I do think that kids do need a space that is theirs where they are free to play and explore. They need freedom. My kids playroom for years was my living room. During the day it was their space and at the end of the day the toys were put away, the kids were put in bed and it was our living room again. It took us a long time to be able to give our kids a room that was all theirs and not shared by us. Again, when this finally happened everybody in the house was happy. 

My point is this: Children need to play. Parents need to let their kids play. When you allow your children to play freely everybody wins. Your children will learn to develop an imagination, and you will learn to relax while your child is soaking up life. 

On Friday after I attached the final piece onto the swing set I finished all of my household chores. My older kids came home from school and were so excited to finally play on the new swing set. I popped a bag of pop-corn (btw all four of my kids can make pop-corn unsupervised because I taught them how to;) and sat and read a book. That's what letting your kids play can give you, a moment to rest... 

and while on the subject of love.

So I told you why I chose Barnes and Noble over Amazon when it comes to e-readers, now I will tell you why I love Amazon. Amazon is a great company and I have to say they treat their customers right.
Back in February I noticed a small scratch on my iphone screen and I panicked. At the same time Paul's phone cover was breaking down. We already had to replace our phones once because one was dropped and the glass shattered (after two years of use). I decided that we needed to spend more money on better covers because we cannot replace our phones anytime soon.
They are expensive phones and well worth the investment but we need to make them last as long as possible. I decided to get us otter boxes, they are by far the strongest covers that I have found. I chose for both of us the commuter series which is thinner then the original defenders. Mine is red, and Paul's is black (like you care).
Anywho I ordered them at the end of February and they were supposed to arrive the first week of March. They didn't. I let two weeks go by and after checking my order status several million times I determined that they were lost in the mail.
I emailed Amazon and told them my sad little story. And here's where Amazon wins my heart. I got a response within 10 minutes. Essentially the apologized for my item being lost in the mail, they would resend it at no cost to me and upgrade my shipping. My new phone covers arrived by the end of the week.

Now for the phone cover review:
The otter boxes are nice. They are sturdy covers. My only complaint is the screen protector. There was a tab on the front of the protector so you would know how to install it. The tab did not peel off properly and left a sticky residue in the corner. We may have to go and buy new protectors. Paul's looks better than mine but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get the gunk off. Also, mine has a few small bubbles with lint trapped under it and I can't get them without risk of damaging the screen protector.
As a whole I love the knew phone cover, but I wasn't thrilled with the screen protector. I'd give the experience a 4 out of 5 star rating.

And that, my friends, is what's great about Amazon. 

technological love.

A few weeks back Paul surprised me by letting me pick out an e-reader. He knew I have wanted one for a while but was hesitant because of the overall cost of the thing.

The initial cost wasn't the problem its the cost of buying books that held us back. I'm a reader. I read a lot. I read fast. And most importantly I don't re-read. So the hold-up is how many books can I buy? I don't have an un-limited fun budget. In fact, my luxury budget is almost non-existant, and books are most certainly a luxury.

So I was truly excited to be able to buy an e-reader but I knew I would have to keep my book budget in check. I bought my e-reader at the end of January and I haven't yet bought a book. I have almost 30 e-books and I've only actually read 2 of them so far (I've been too sick to read).
The first step to getting an e-reader was deciding which one to get. I narrowed it down to the Kindle and the Nook.

Here's the breakdown:
Kindle: Amazon, costs less, good battery life, great reviews, has free books available
Nook: Barnes and Noble, could go with color or black and white, can share books with other users, has a weekly book giveaway, has free books available, can download library books. Can read books for free over the internet while in a B&N store (and occasionally they have free treats in the cafe for nook owners)

I choose the Nook. I choose the Nook because you can share books with other people, and because I can access library books with it (though I haven't yet I will soon). I also couldn't find a program like the Nook's where every Friday you get a free book that is not always a part of the already free selection of classic literature (it's like i-tunes free songs of the week). Both the Kindle and the Nook are favored well by most people, and evidently Amazon and B&N have great customer service should anything happen with the device. Overall the Nook had everything that I wanted and the Kindle was missing a few things that I didn't want to give up.

The next step was deciding between a Nook color or the black and white. That decision was even easier (and the $100 difference in price wasn't the hold-up). I went with black and white for one main reason. It's easier on the eyes. You can read it in bright sunlight with no glare problems. The color model offers web-browsing, animated children's books, and magazines. I don't need one more web-browsing device. The Nook is for Paul and I not the kids. And I did have to give up magazines (which admittedly would have been neat to have). The other thing to note is that I am still hopeful to get an ipad when I go back to work and that would do what the nook color can do and more).

The Nook we have is doing everything we want it to do and nothing we don't. When Paul travels for work he gets to take it with him, but otherwise it's mine. I am in love. It's so simple and so easy to use and convenient. It's small and light and fits in my purse. I carry it everywhere I go. Waiting in Doctors offices (which I have done a lot recently) I don't have to lug around a big book. It saves my page so when I put it down and walk away I can come back to it and not worry where I left off.

One of the first free books I downloaded was Magyk. It's a kids book that was described as a suitable Harry Potter replacement. I gave it a try and loved it. When I was done I told Catherine about it. I showed her how to use my nook and access the book and now when I am not reading she borrows it to read this book. The second book I just finished is A Child al Confino (also a free Friday Selection), also a great book and amazing story.

I never would have known about these books had it not been for the free Friday blog. Now I have a series I want to read  and have read a story that touched my heart. I haven't decided what I am going to read next but I have decided that I am so glad that we invested in the Nook.

up coming project.

So, I'm not a photo blogger. In case you haven't noticed. But today I am going to post some photo's to showcase a project that is coming up.
In May Catherine will be receiving First Holy Communion. I decided to help make this special occasion even more special I would use my wedding dress as the fabric for her Communion dress.
If I had more than one girl I would hesitate to do this, only because I would worry about whether I would be able to hand it down or not (you never know how sizes can match up). But she is my one and only girl (and God-willing will always be that way), so I felt like I could do this.
I never felt a real attachment to my wedding dress. I would have given it away a long time ago, but I never got around to it. For me it's just a dress, yes a dress from the most important day of my life. BUT Paul and I focused so much of our Wedding planning on the actual marriage part of it, that nothing else ever really mattered. Including the dress. I loved that dress, it was and still is totally me. It's modest, and simple it was everything I wanted it to be. But for the last 8 years the dress has been sitting in a box on the top of a closet collecting dust in my parents house.
Really, it's just a dress. Now I can do something special with it. I can in a way pass it on to my daughter and make it something special . And when my mom is done making the dress I will box what is left of the dress and save what I can for future sewing projects.
So before the cutting and ripping begins here's one last look at my wedding dress:

looking backward.

From today February 2011 where was I?


6 months ago... I was settling into a new house.

1 Year ago... Paul and I just put our house on the market and began the roller coaster process of selling our house.

2 years ago... Catherine was half way through her first year of Kindergarten. We were simply trucking through our crazy lives.

3 1/2 years ago... We enrolled Catherine into pre-school. This would be the first time we would be taking our children out of the house for any kind of education (aside from day-care).

4 years ago... I was swimming in baby land

5 years ago... I was hobbling down the halls of Notre Dame High School wondering how much longer I was going to last

6 years ago... I was teaching at Notre Dame High School, Catherine was in Day Care, Stephen was incubating and barely detectable.

7 years ago... Catherine was turning one, I gave notice to my first school that I would not return in the fall. The commute was too far.

8 years ago... I was hobbling down the halls of Cardinal Brennan excited for the birth of my first Child.

9 years ago... I was finishing up my final semester at DeSales University, and preparing to marry Paul.

10 years ago... I can't remember. 

the book I'll never write.

If I wrote a book it would be a parenting book. Which is ironic because I don't read parenting books. If I did read parenting books I would read the ones that are most popular just to see what all the buzz is about. Like the tiger mother book, it sounds like a fascinating story. The controversy around it is just as fascinating. I don't read parenting books because I don't believe in their basic purpose. To tell people how to parent. I don't want someone to tell me what I am doing is wrong. I want to figure it out for myself.
The tiger mother book is a memoir and maybe I'll read it some day. If I would write a book it would be a memoir. Not a how to. But a how I...

Today's lesson is how I fight boredom.

We live in the North East. Look outside and there is about 12 inches of snow on the ground and more coming this week. So far it has snowed about 2-3 inches every few days. Last week we got closer to 6 inches in one day. Now I don't think this is a whole lot but our school district does and they keep closing school over these small storms.

We have had lots of needless snow days which means my kids have been home more than necessary. And after a while the shine of being home wears off. At one point a scheduled three day weekend turned into a five day weekend. The kids were going crazy (as was I). Being on a tight budget and not willing to take them many places I needed to come up with ways to keep them happy on these extended days home.

We have a secret weapon and we call it Play-doh. First of all I hate play-doh. I hate the way it smells. I hate the way it feels. But the kids love it. And they will play it for hours. Years ago we got this huge bin and its loaded with all kinds of tools. We keep it hidden from the kids. They almost never play with it. So when we got to day three of our unplanned five day weekend I broke out the playdoh. And the kids went nuts.

We have one play-doh rule. Keep in the kitchen. It can get mixed. It can fall to the floor. I don't care what they do as long as they keep it in the kitchen. I clear the table and they go to town. They played in harmony for an hour straight. Then one by one they came to me with their smelly little hands declaring they were done. I told them to put lids on the containers wash their hands and go play. At the end of it all I make sure the remaining containers are sealed tightly the tools are put away and I re-hide the box. I sweep up the stuff the fell to the ground. Wipe down the table and it's done.

Play-doh is cheap. I don't care if it gets mixed or if some of it falls to the ground and dries up. All I care about is that it occupied my bored kids for one solid hour. The toys in their playroom can't always do that because they see them every day. Having a secret toy can.

As your children get older your secret toys can get more complicated (if you are brave mom).

1. Pearler beads is one that I love but it is not one you can have around with crawling children. Though a tip to contain the mess is to use cookie sheets as work stations (actually that works for most art projects, I went and bought the cheapest cookie sheets I could and when the kids want to do a project that involves many parts I pull out the sheets as a work station they are portable so I can clear the table for meals and such while letting the project dry or whatever). 
2. Crayola Color Wonder I have used the markers at doctors offices. I have used the paints at home. I don't like the paints. They are a waxy slimy mess but the markers are harmless and the kids find it fun. The pictures don't last forever eventually they fade. This does get expensive because you need the special paper to make it work. 
3. Finger Paint/Water Colors - (no need for a link here). Buy a roll of butcher paper or a giant pack of construction paper and let them have it. 

The list of secret toys can be endless. The point is that it is something that you don't play with regularly. Something that is a treat to have out. New toys are shiny and will hold a child's attention longer than an old toy. Simply hiding a toy and taking it out on a rare occasion makes an old toy feel like a new toy again and again.

The other key to the secret toy is to give your child more freedom than normal. All of the things I listed above require no adult supervision if used in the right setting. When you let your child be free they are happier and they can explore. I'm not saying let them see what happens if they shove play-doh in the toaster, I'm saying don't freak out if they drop it on the floor or if they even put a bit in their mouth (do freak out if they try to eat a whole play-doh sand-which). Give them boundaries but allow them to breathe a bit. Make it feel like they are doing something special.
  

thinking about it.

Today I was in the shower (imagine that), and some thoughts came to me.

• I reflected on how one gets the elusive "me time"
• and I how I figured it out early on when the twins came
• This statement came to mind: Sometimes I put me before my kids, sometimes I put Paul before my kids. Sometimes I put my kids before me. Sometimes I put my kids before Paul.
• I thought about why it's okay and sometimes necessary to put yourself first

I'm still in rough shape and can't sit to write out all of my thoughts, but I thought I would get your wheels turning.

On a sad note, if you are reading this you should pray for a friend of mine. Over the weekend she picked her daughter and granddaughters up in a "rescue" operation. The daughter discovered that the granddaughters were being abused by the fiance. It's an ugly situation and it's only going to get worse before it gets better. So please pray for this family. Thanks.