bond of brothers. and sister.

Catherine was 2 years old when Stephen was born. For two years she lived the single child life. I remember her cautious attitude toward Stephen when she first met him. It was hard for her to understand that he was a permanent structure in our household. But it only took her a few days to come to realize what it meant to have him in the house. And Catherine being a very smart girl figured out just how serious an adjustment she had to make. 

One thing I'll never forget is one of our first nights home with Stephen. Stephen had no warning system when he was hungry. He went from silent sleeper to screamer in no time. It was a midnight feeding and I was taking Steve downstairs to get his bottle ready and out of her room pops Catherine. She had that drunken look on her face, wobbly on her feet she just looked at me with sad confused eyes and said "mommy what's happening?" Paul the wonder that he is heard the exchange and quickly ushered her back to be before she fully awakened. 

That is the only time that I can recall her ever getting out of bed when one of her brothers got up in the middle of the night. That night Stephen's cries startled her because it was a new sound, but once she knew what it was and how it would effect her (or not as the case was) it never bothered her at night again. Notice here how I said at night?  Stephen cried during the day as well and once again Catherine had to figure out how this would effect her. After a few days she noticed that when Stephen cried I picked him up changed his diapers and fed him. She noticed that if we held him he wouldn't cry. Catherine's problem, in these early days, was that Stephen made too much noise. So, whenever he would cry Catherine would run to me and run the litany: "Mommy, pick him up, feed him, change him, hold him please he needs you." And before you go awww, realize that this was not so much her way of tending to his needs, but a tending to her need to have her world restored to quiet. Okay, it was still adorable. 

It wasn't until months later that Stephen's presence really took it's toll on her. An infant takes mom's attention, which Catherine never really needed, a mobile baby takes toys. And a two and half year old girl had to learn what sharing was...

It's funny how those details are so vivid in my mind, but the early days of David and Joshua are lost. The transition from two to four was rough. I don't have baby books for my any of my kids. I don't have milestone charts. When the doctors asked me when Catherine hit milestones I could tell you (1st teeth at 6mos, crawl at 9mos walk at 13mos...), Stephen I could approximate (crawl at 7mos). David and Joshua I could only tell you that they hit them (I know that Joshua crawled first, but David walked first). I do remember that Catherine had virtually no reaction to having two more brothers. 

There was no waking up with them on their first nights home, or a rush for me to shut them up. By the time they came around Stephen made enough noise that the hope of ever returning to a quiet life was gone and at 3 she had given up. Catherine also knew how to gain the system. She discovered that if she didn't nap she had quiet time with me. She discovered that her room was her sanctuary and that it was her space and no one else's. 

ASIDE: What I really wanted to explore here was how each of my children share an incredibly unique bond. Funny how this post is developing into an exploration on how my kids learned to navigate their world as they grew. 

In the early weeks of having the twins home we had Catherine in daycare. At the time Stephen was home with me at 10/11 months. What Stephen discovered was my vulnerability when I was feeding the boys. By some miracle I had learned to breastfeed and did so with Joshua (out of my four he is the only one, I can explain if you want). Stephen would watch for me to sit down with Joshua and he would take off and try to break through the baby gates. He made it out a few times and he knew that I couldn't get to him until I was done.

The other thing I remember with fondness is Catherine and Stephens ability to spot an empty lap. They would watch and stand by closely whenever I was feeding the boys. They knew that both brothers would have to eat before I could put them down in their chairs and swings. And the second I would be finished with feeding, one (either Cate or Steve) of them would slide into my lap. They would ask for nothing. Sometimes they would bring a sippy cup over and drink while lounging. Other times they would just sit. 

The older two realized that the little ones needed me first, but I would always make time for them. 

The dynamics of the four kids is something amazing. Observing them is a treat. Catherine responded to her brothers much differently than Stephen. Catherine didn't want them to invade her space, but once they did and she accepted that she created her own space they couldn't get to (she still does that). She also has become their guardian, since very early on she has looked after them in her own way. She almost always jumps up to help them whenever she can. Stephen was her space invader and to this day she gets along with the twins better than she does Stephen. Stephen has adopted his brothers as his constant playmates. He's so close to them in age that they can almost always do all of the same things. Stephen uses his status as the older one to be in charge of playtime. He guides them and shows them the ropes. He also loves to be the ringleader when it comes to causing trouble, but somehow maintains his innocence. He looks to Catherine for guidance and when she wants in on the play he tries to let her be in charge. 

Check back in a few days. I think I will dive more into this sibling relationship thing. I want to share more on what I have noticed with David and Joshua, because twins are truly fascinating.